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We were a happy group of people. I suppose that the fact that we gelled so well was because we all had the desire to help people who were having trouble getting to grips with a loss. We had all had our own losses of various degrees of awfulness. The really surprising thing was how quickly we came to trust each other. On the first day we had a practical exercise, when we had to tell a story that had happened to us - another was a 'listener' and the third an observer. Even on that occasion, some very deep tales were told. The listening bit is the most important part of being a bereavement visitor. This pattern of excercise was often repeated. The speaker either told something of importance to themselves or played the part of someone who had a problem eg had got stuck and was not progressing through the mourning process. The listener was the one who was learning. It was a bit hair-raising sometimes. It gave you a hint as to what you might meet for real and could you cope? The observer and the speaker gave positive criticism after. I learnt that I could listen fine but there were weaknesses in the process after that. I know that I will be able to do better for real after those excercises.
We spent much time over the training period brainstorming various things such as 'what is a good/bad death', why are some people having trouble grieveing, various complictions in grief, what make good listening, handling silence. A knowledge of grief and the process of mourning and the many things that can get in the way are all helpful when trying to be helpful. The most important thing that we had to learn was that we were not there to advise or make it better. We are there to listen (always needed by someone in mourning) and to enable the mourner to make progress.
I now wait, with some trepidation, for my first call to visit.
Hiding away were these promises of Spring to come.
and next door this Lonicera nitida is looking very sad as I had to cut it hard back. It had been allowed to encroach on the path anyway and then the weight of the snow brought it right over, so now it does not look pretty! It will come again though and I may yet reduce its height as well.
And now two happier pictures to cheer you as you leave
Unfortunately, the swans, various varieties of duck and the seagulls were feeding too far away, off the end of the island. Even when I went right in on the photo, they could not be seen, but there were a great crowd of them, all making use of an area that was ice-free. A little further along we came to this leaning tree.
I loved the line and filigree nature of it, only spoilt by the detritis that was set in the ice underneath it.
When we got to the Visitor Centre we looked at the plan of the site and decided to follow a tack round through the trees and rond the edge of the site, which passes an iron age fort. I am glad that we did because on the way we passed this monster.
All through the woods, and particularly near the lake, where there are a number of rhododendrons, there was much damage caused by the weight of the snow. A lot of work had already been done, especially where paths had been blocked, but there is much more to do. I expect that this monster had reached this state before the snow, probably by degrees over the last few years, with a gale taking it to its current stage. I wonder how many years it has seen.
Sadly, we failed to find the iron age fort but we completed our walk back at our car park and returned home feeling much refreshed for the hour in the fresh air.